Untitled Emotion

I'm really feeling at the moment like I'm being severely compressed into myself. Ask me why, I do not know. It comes and goes. I go in and out.

But mostly out.

These are the times where I think about much, and listen. I listen to you talk, love, and hate. I listen to your bland imaginations ramble on about your petty relationship problems or your latest drug addiction. Or your fantastic relationship experiences.

My mind always has background music of the blues. I'm always humming a tune. It detatches me from the ignorance of the rest of you. Which is good.

Too bad lately it hasn't been working and I start to think. I have now detatched myself from my life and that is difficult to put back together. I'm in a position at the moment where I have sunk so far down under that I can hear absolutely nothing. Picture this: Setting; outside, warm, sunny day. You're walking along and you see a flower. You bend down to pick it up but it disappears between your fingers. "Where did it go?" You ask yourself. "I seriously almost had it." So you sit, and you pluck at the grass until a nice little hole begins to form. You back away as the hole in the dirt starts to grow, however you cannot successfully get away. The hole sucks you in. It isn't deep, but its cool dirt is holding you from getting up. So you lay there, staring up at the sun and the insects that glare at you as they pass by. People also try to talk to you, and you hear them but do not respond. You're stuck and are going to have an arduous task getting yourself out.

I am in a hole.

And I am beginning to like the idea of not getting back up, just to fall in again.

It's interesting though, how my mind works. When I am in this state, I think mostly about what life is, and why I am here enduring all of this. I asked a dear friend for his opinion on life, and he told me it was all about balance. Balancing yourself out. Reaching the equilibrium of your body, mind, and soul. A sort of Nirvana here on earth, if you will.

Oh, but Erika! We are surely on this planet to find love and happiness. That's just a part of balancing out your emotions and events in your life. I've never experienced love, but that doesn't mean I haven't loved. There are more types of love than the construed soul mate of your life. I have definitely loved in other ways. Although it has been a long time since I have felt true happiness. We'll see. There are various ways to balance our your soul and your life. Don't wait for the world to balance it out for you. Be the change you want to see. Be the balance. Don't let the Universe suck you dry; you feed off the Universe because it has an interesting way of feeding people.

I should listen to my own advice.

Feed me your love, feed me your hate, feed me your emotions. Show me your true power, I'll see if I can let mine loose.

Tell me what it is we're here for. Give me a reason to keep getting up in the morning and maybe I'll consider pulling myself out of my comfortable little burrow.