Because of the Peanut

You haven't been here in a while, but you're always here. The red dust that trails behind everywhere you go reminds you where you always are. You're sitting on the roof of the world and notice tiny little cracks in the ground have begun to appear. The rain hasn't fallen in months. At least not in this spot.

The rain shifts, yet it is not rain. Dollops of water are released from the cloudless sky every moment. There is no humidity. There is no source. There is always a paradox of activity from the motionless and endless ceiling. When you first discovered this wonderland, the nonstop flow was a phenomenon.

Now, as you are sitting here rolling the layers of burnt sienna over your ankles, the instant moisture is aggravating. It is nearing, and you are going to have to get up.

You are being and lifting yourself from this spot is not what you want to be. The dirt is being with you. The dirt that is and always has been. The dirt that is fresh to your fingertips. But being is not worrying, and you are worrying about the water. Being in worry, you are not being. Be the dirt. Be the air and the lack of humidity. A drop over there.

See the place you cut the paper thin and rubber thick air over there? Remember the box that seven and a half foot clown handed you? What was in that box... a peanut you believe. What the hell are you going to use a peanut for? A peanut is not even a nut. It is a pea. A drop over here.

You fall back through the tough slit of air holding this antiquated cardboard box. Peak in, what is here? Quick, look away! It could be harmful to your eyes. You begin to put your hand under the lid of the box. It could be harmful to your hand. Rather your hand than eye. Your almost useless appendages feel nothing but the box. Run your hand along the bottom. Something small and rough is there. Chance it, flip off the lid. A peanut. It is a peanut. Fall. Over. Crawl. To. A. New. Area. Bury. Peanut. Under. Ground. F.O.C.T.A.N.A.B.P.U.G. That should go with you when you leave this place. Never are you leaving this place.

Where was that peanut buried? You attatched it to your body and transported it somewhere. Was it the opposite direction of the burrow home you have made for yourself? It is interesting that you even made a burrow. There are no hawks or snakes here. And rain only in a specific location at a time. A drop on your hand.

Now you know why. In being you have mindlessly burrowed yourself under the dusty red surface. Just your face remains uncovered, but you know better than that. Although there is no wind, the not quite earth smooths over the tip of your nose, immersing you in the land. The music is muffled now. You can hear a couple drops impact a couple inches from your ear.

The dry, dynamic storm begins. The huge water droplets hit the earth above you and soak down into your skin. One on your left foot, your right thigh, your hip, your breast, your neck, and your forehead. You feel something generating in your stomach and another crawling back up your throat. Nothing to eat in months. Open your mouth to suck the air you don't need. The dirt piles in. The mass coming up through your body enters your mouth and sets in between your teeth.

Let your chthonic body sink and shut down all of your senses. Keep your ears open. Hear the susurrus of the ground moving around. But it stops moving around you and starts shaking inside your mouth. Silky, stringy substance starts to twist around your teeth and tongue and a force pulls your teeth upward. It is tension, but this force doesn't want your teeth to come out so you let it be. A thin, cylindrical form starts to move up and out of your mouth. It pushes up toward the near surface and breaks through. A pause. Drain your body. Energy into the mass. The stalk shoots up and you become lackadaisical. A tooth slides off.

The huge clusters of water are frozen in the air as the now muddy mess slides off your face. The sun is warm on your lifeless body. This empowers you. Sit up and hit your head on a blob of water. Take a bite. The rain stretches out, but you eventually break it off with your teeth, one now missing. All that was taken from your body has now been returned, and you are back to your normal, effulgent state.

The stalk that emerged from your own body is now spread out a couple feet away from your body. It is a plant. You watch as bramches grow from the body. A bud appears. You wait in anxiety to know what will appear. The protective coverings peel back and you see a tiny, tan speck. It grows.

It is a peanut.

Simply Unimaginable

Unimaginable for me? For you? For who? What is unimaginable?

You know, I do not.
I know, you do not.

When I walk down the hallway I take in through my nose what I should be taking in through my fingertips. I taste what I should be using my eyes for. I hear down to the artificial heartbeat what should be inhaled and touching my tongue.

There is not much reality that lives in my mind at the moment. And unfortunately, there is none of my mind that lives in reality. I seem to have entangled myself into an almost easily avoidable crunch of the universe. Not to say I am discontent, because that would be a lie. My thoughts just rest on other people, places, and things than the ones I have previously known.

We all gauge our lives based on a single set of feelings and emotions. Happy = positive; sad = negative. But what about the emotions that fall under other categories? The ones where you ask me how I am feeling and I plainly just do not know. Then you inquire as to how I could not know. I wonder how my reasoning is beyond you.

I want to explore a whole new level of feeling, I am sick of feeling either happy or sad. They are incredibly empty emotions. I feel almost like we, as a society, stereotype ourselves with emotional words. I have found for myself that when I generalize my feelings, I feel more discontent, for lack of a better word. When I specify down to the button what is going through my mind, I feel very content. For instance, when I am upset, identifying my exact emotion and why it is there is what makes me feel instantly better. On the other hand, if I am happy and don't necessarily know how to describe it, I kind of bring myself down.

I think for once we shouldn't have to ground ourselves and instead embrace everything we feel, whether or not it is familiar. Know that what your mind and soul want you hold in your presence is always for the better, whether you connotate it to be a positive or negative emotion.

There will be a part two to this.