Monday, July 26, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Oh So Untitled.
After so long of not writing..
Mankind:
You have hurt me to no end. You have thrown me to the ground, stomped on my fingers and toes, and pulled my hair out. You have belittled, disparaged, and disrespected me. You have soothed my wounds by cutting them deeper. And You have no more tried to help me now than has a box of matches.
But, I continue and live on. After the plateau ends, we'll see who comes out ahead.
Mankind:
You have hurt me to no end. You have thrown me to the ground, stomped on my fingers and toes, and pulled my hair out. You have belittled, disparaged, and disrespected me. You have soothed my wounds by cutting them deeper. And You have no more tried to help me now than has a box of matches.
But, I continue and live on. After the plateau ends, we'll see who comes out ahead.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Spirituality Versus Religion
The following is the essay I wrote for my AP Psychology class that accurately expresses my views:
If you were to sit down right here right now, and start talking about what created the universe and the meaning of such, would it be an easy task? Unless you’ve actually thought out your own theories before, it probably wouldn’t be. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, which is why psychology is such a diverse topic; it is essentially opinions based on empirical, factual evidence. The freedom lies within the interpretation. My opinion and interpretation of the creation and interaction of the universe is reflected in the following paradigms: All energy can be neither created nor destroyed; Everything in the universe is made up of energy, including the perceived god; The universe is based upon interactive energy; Spirituality works hand in hand with energy, differing from the concept of religion. I want to state in this essay my own thoughts and feelings associated with spirituality and religion, and I will support my opinions with other moderately and well known psychologists who take the same stance.
At the very base of all life and earth, the Law of Conservation of Energy states that energy cannot be created or destroyed. Essentially, all energy circulates throughout the universe as one, changing only in appearance. However, it is difficult to imagine the concept of nothing ever being created or destroyed. Fires destroy forests and homes, trees are planted and grow, and babies are made. All of this matter seemingly comes from or disappears to nowhere. When we consider the universe, we know only one thing: it exists. But how does it exist? How did it come to be? The big bang theory presents the idea of “matter that concentrated” (Sadananda) to come together and create everything. Questions have been asked about the creation of our existence for thousands of years, and although science has improved the quality of these answers, no one will ever be for sure. This is why people turn to religion, so they don’t have to be left and wanting more in the dark. Since science is unable to accurately figure it out, people turn to a more supernatural level where “all religions proclaim that universe is a creation and that there is a creator, that we call God, who is in heaven” (Sadananda). The creation of the universe and the law of conservation of energy can be incredibly difficult concepts for some religions. For example, Christians believe that “God” created the earth in 6 days and created the human on that 6th day. This leaves absolutely no room for the scientific fact of evolution. In my opinion, the bible is hardly a credible source when you’re trying to find a literal translation of our world. However, should those who don’t believe in evolution believe in the law of conservation of energy, the two theories could possibly be combined. If humans were created on that 6th day, they looked much different than they do now, but their energies shifted and transformed into what we see today. The concept of shifting and transforming energy is often difficult for a closed mind to understand. When there is a phenomenon that humans can’t understand, such as the creation of the universe or the world, they turn to religion so their little minds can have comfortable closure with themselves, and won’t go crazy over the fact that they don’t have a firm grasp upon the knowledge they desire. This is, in my opinion, the general purpose of religion.
Everything in the universe is made up of energy, including any perceived god. The earth and her inhabitants are made up of cells which are made up of atoms which are made up of energy. At the core of everything in the universe is energy. It is also very interesting to note that many religions’ perception of god is essentially the same perception scientists have towards energy. It cannot be created nor destroyed and it is the basis of creation of all things. “In other words, all the energy that ever existed, that was present at the beginning, still exists” (Rall). To put it in Christian terms, “all energy is God, and there is no such thing as someone being separated from god. God cannot be separated from his own body” (Rall). So now, we have taken the paradigm a step further. All energy can be neither created nor destroyed and this energy makes up everything in the universe, including “god”. To some, this energy may be god him or herself, but to me this energy is pure and raw, connecting and flowing through everyone and everything in the universe. I firmly believe the words god and energy can be used interchangeably, where “energy” is substituted anywhere the word “god” appears. For example, energy created the universe instead of god created the universe. The former sounds more logical to me anyway. The past two paragraphs have almost been a part of the introduction, providing the base facts on which I will express my upcoming opinions on god, religion, and spirituality.
The universe is based on interactive energy. The flow of our energy intertwines and interacts with the flow of all other energy in the universe. Instead of everyone and everything having their own separate energies, the universe is one big, connected energy. My energy is the same as the energy that makes up the grass in India. “A cell, or molecule, or atom on one side of the world, say in the United States, can communicate with any other cell, molecule or atom on the other side of the world, say in China, because they are able to signal each other with oscillating frequencies, and this communication happens non-locally and virtually instantaneously” (Rall). This is further explaining the concept of all energy being connected and on the same frequency, no matter where it is. So, since all of our energy is connected, all of our thoughts, actions and emotions are connected as well. “The whole universe consists of energy, but it is the intelligent, organized pattern and interaction of this energy… everything that occurs is caused by some disturbance in the oscillating frequencies somewhere in the world or universe, and it is caused by somebody or something… causes changes in the frequencies which regulate matter and energy, and change happens” (Rall). When you focus and organize your own thoughts and energy, you can push them into the universe and receive the energy back that your thoughts created. This is where the law of attraction and karma come into play. The thoughts you hold in mind are the actions that will appear in your life, and what you put out into the universe will graciously return to you.
Pausing here for a moment, we look back to organize our thoughts. All energy is neither created nor destroyed, this energy makes up everything in the universe, and this energy is also one and is connected with everything. So essentially, we are all the same and we are all one. We live within the same energy and interact within the same energy. Our thoughts and actions directly affect everyone else in this world, as we are all on the same energetic frequency. The energy we are is what we perceive as god, leading to the conclusion that each and every one of us is the same; we are all “god” (for lack of a better word). When we think, we are meditating; we are always meditating. When we think and act, we can change our reality, since being “god”, we are the makers of our own reality. In my opinion, there is no point in praying strictly to god. Since we are all the same energy as this perceived god, why not meditate on your own being and your own reality? This is a new religion; it’s not even a religion at all. This is the concept of spirituality.
Spirituality works hand in hand with energy, differing from the concept of religion. “Spirituality is an inherent component of being human, and is subjective, intangible, and multidimensional” (Tanyi). At one point or another, everyone in the span of their life is bound to question where they came from, why they are here, and what the power beyond their current line of visibility is. To be honest, religion can do absolutely nothing to satisfy these questions. Spirituality is about finding yourself and meditating on the oneness of the single energy our universe actually is. It is highly subjective as well, as every person experiences their thoughts and actions extremely differently. Being as subjective as it is, everyone will come to a different conclusion. A lot of times, especially in our Christian American society, the conclusion of religion will be mistaken as a conclusion of spirituality. In my opinion, finding Jesus is not similar in the least bit to finding yourself and experiencing the world around us at a higher, connected level. “Spirituality and religion are often used interchangeably, but the two concepts are different” (Tanyi). This concept was mentioned previously and this quote is simply reinforcing the fact that spirituality is a much different way of thinking and believing than what religion has to say. “Spirituality involves humans' search for meaning in life, while religion involves an organized entity with rituals and practices about a higher power or God” (Tanyi). Here is where the differentiation is revealed. All world religions, no matter which one it is, are organized and have rituals and practices. When looking at the paradigm associated with this section, and comparing it to the definition of spirituality, it is not difficult to see how spirituality is related to energy, and how religion really is not at all. Spirituality strives for understanding of the self and the universe, and to do that you must understand that basis of your self and universe, which is energy. This goes back to the paradigm of “Everything is made up of energy, including god.” I believe it’s somewhat difficult to grasp the idea of everything being made of the same energy. To put it into perspective, it’s like the universe is a rather large ocean, but in lieu of water, waves of energy are crashing over each other. Religion, on the other hand, is more like a puppet, with the supreme being holding all others on a string. In this view, everything is connected only to god and not to each other unless the god wills them to do so. As I see it, the difference between spirituality and religion could possibly come down to free will. Spirituality is finding yourself freely, whereas (in my opinion) religion was created by a group of people who believed themselves better than everyone else who wanted to control all of humanity in a way other than law. This belief of mine corresponds with a personal paradigm that god does not exist. The last thing I want to restrict my spiritual growth and discovery is someone coming along telling me I have to believe in god because he is the supreme ruler, and if I sin I will end up in hell. Although these are my personal opinions, I believe everyone should have the freedom to believe what they wish and to each his own.
If you were to sit down right here right now, and start talking about what created the universe and the meaning of such, would it be an easy task? Unless you’ve actually thought out your own theories before, it probably wouldn’t be. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, which is why psychology is such a diverse topic; it is essentially opinions based on empirical, factual evidence. The freedom lies within the interpretation. My opinion and interpretation of the creation and interaction of the universe is reflected in the following paradigms: All energy can be neither created nor destroyed; Everything in the universe is made up of energy, including the perceived god; The universe is based upon interactive energy; Spirituality works hand in hand with energy, differing from the concept of religion. I want to state in this essay my own thoughts and feelings associated with spirituality and religion, and I will support my opinions with other moderately and well known psychologists who take the same stance.
At the very base of all life and earth, the Law of Conservation of Energy states that energy cannot be created or destroyed. Essentially, all energy circulates throughout the universe as one, changing only in appearance. However, it is difficult to imagine the concept of nothing ever being created or destroyed. Fires destroy forests and homes, trees are planted and grow, and babies are made. All of this matter seemingly comes from or disappears to nowhere. When we consider the universe, we know only one thing: it exists. But how does it exist? How did it come to be? The big bang theory presents the idea of “matter that concentrated” (Sadananda) to come together and create everything. Questions have been asked about the creation of our existence for thousands of years, and although science has improved the quality of these answers, no one will ever be for sure. This is why people turn to religion, so they don’t have to be left and wanting more in the dark. Since science is unable to accurately figure it out, people turn to a more supernatural level where “all religions proclaim that universe is a creation and that there is a creator, that we call God, who is in heaven” (Sadananda). The creation of the universe and the law of conservation of energy can be incredibly difficult concepts for some religions. For example, Christians believe that “God” created the earth in 6 days and created the human on that 6th day. This leaves absolutely no room for the scientific fact of evolution. In my opinion, the bible is hardly a credible source when you’re trying to find a literal translation of our world. However, should those who don’t believe in evolution believe in the law of conservation of energy, the two theories could possibly be combined. If humans were created on that 6th day, they looked much different than they do now, but their energies shifted and transformed into what we see today. The concept of shifting and transforming energy is often difficult for a closed mind to understand. When there is a phenomenon that humans can’t understand, such as the creation of the universe or the world, they turn to religion so their little minds can have comfortable closure with themselves, and won’t go crazy over the fact that they don’t have a firm grasp upon the knowledge they desire. This is, in my opinion, the general purpose of religion.
Everything in the universe is made up of energy, including any perceived god. The earth and her inhabitants are made up of cells which are made up of atoms which are made up of energy. At the core of everything in the universe is energy. It is also very interesting to note that many religions’ perception of god is essentially the same perception scientists have towards energy. It cannot be created nor destroyed and it is the basis of creation of all things. “In other words, all the energy that ever existed, that was present at the beginning, still exists” (Rall). To put it in Christian terms, “all energy is God, and there is no such thing as someone being separated from god. God cannot be separated from his own body” (Rall). So now, we have taken the paradigm a step further. All energy can be neither created nor destroyed and this energy makes up everything in the universe, including “god”. To some, this energy may be god him or herself, but to me this energy is pure and raw, connecting and flowing through everyone and everything in the universe. I firmly believe the words god and energy can be used interchangeably, where “energy” is substituted anywhere the word “god” appears. For example, energy created the universe instead of god created the universe. The former sounds more logical to me anyway. The past two paragraphs have almost been a part of the introduction, providing the base facts on which I will express my upcoming opinions on god, religion, and spirituality.
The universe is based on interactive energy. The flow of our energy intertwines and interacts with the flow of all other energy in the universe. Instead of everyone and everything having their own separate energies, the universe is one big, connected energy. My energy is the same as the energy that makes up the grass in India. “A cell, or molecule, or atom on one side of the world, say in the United States, can communicate with any other cell, molecule or atom on the other side of the world, say in China, because they are able to signal each other with oscillating frequencies, and this communication happens non-locally and virtually instantaneously” (Rall). This is further explaining the concept of all energy being connected and on the same frequency, no matter where it is. So, since all of our energy is connected, all of our thoughts, actions and emotions are connected as well. “The whole universe consists of energy, but it is the intelligent, organized pattern and interaction of this energy… everything that occurs is caused by some disturbance in the oscillating frequencies somewhere in the world or universe, and it is caused by somebody or something… causes changes in the frequencies which regulate matter and energy, and change happens” (Rall). When you focus and organize your own thoughts and energy, you can push them into the universe and receive the energy back that your thoughts created. This is where the law of attraction and karma come into play. The thoughts you hold in mind are the actions that will appear in your life, and what you put out into the universe will graciously return to you.
Pausing here for a moment, we look back to organize our thoughts. All energy is neither created nor destroyed, this energy makes up everything in the universe, and this energy is also one and is connected with everything. So essentially, we are all the same and we are all one. We live within the same energy and interact within the same energy. Our thoughts and actions directly affect everyone else in this world, as we are all on the same energetic frequency. The energy we are is what we perceive as god, leading to the conclusion that each and every one of us is the same; we are all “god” (for lack of a better word). When we think, we are meditating; we are always meditating. When we think and act, we can change our reality, since being “god”, we are the makers of our own reality. In my opinion, there is no point in praying strictly to god. Since we are all the same energy as this perceived god, why not meditate on your own being and your own reality? This is a new religion; it’s not even a religion at all. This is the concept of spirituality.
Spirituality works hand in hand with energy, differing from the concept of religion. “Spirituality is an inherent component of being human, and is subjective, intangible, and multidimensional” (Tanyi). At one point or another, everyone in the span of their life is bound to question where they came from, why they are here, and what the power beyond their current line of visibility is. To be honest, religion can do absolutely nothing to satisfy these questions. Spirituality is about finding yourself and meditating on the oneness of the single energy our universe actually is. It is highly subjective as well, as every person experiences their thoughts and actions extremely differently. Being as subjective as it is, everyone will come to a different conclusion. A lot of times, especially in our Christian American society, the conclusion of religion will be mistaken as a conclusion of spirituality. In my opinion, finding Jesus is not similar in the least bit to finding yourself and experiencing the world around us at a higher, connected level. “Spirituality and religion are often used interchangeably, but the two concepts are different” (Tanyi). This concept was mentioned previously and this quote is simply reinforcing the fact that spirituality is a much different way of thinking and believing than what religion has to say. “Spirituality involves humans' search for meaning in life, while religion involves an organized entity with rituals and practices about a higher power or God” (Tanyi). Here is where the differentiation is revealed. All world religions, no matter which one it is, are organized and have rituals and practices. When looking at the paradigm associated with this section, and comparing it to the definition of spirituality, it is not difficult to see how spirituality is related to energy, and how religion really is not at all. Spirituality strives for understanding of the self and the universe, and to do that you must understand that basis of your self and universe, which is energy. This goes back to the paradigm of “Everything is made up of energy, including god.” I believe it’s somewhat difficult to grasp the idea of everything being made of the same energy. To put it into perspective, it’s like the universe is a rather large ocean, but in lieu of water, waves of energy are crashing over each other. Religion, on the other hand, is more like a puppet, with the supreme being holding all others on a string. In this view, everything is connected only to god and not to each other unless the god wills them to do so. As I see it, the difference between spirituality and religion could possibly come down to free will. Spirituality is finding yourself freely, whereas (in my opinion) religion was created by a group of people who believed themselves better than everyone else who wanted to control all of humanity in a way other than law. This belief of mine corresponds with a personal paradigm that god does not exist. The last thing I want to restrict my spiritual growth and discovery is someone coming along telling me I have to believe in god because he is the supreme ruler, and if I sin I will end up in hell. Although these are my personal opinions, I believe everyone should have the freedom to believe what they wish and to each his own.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Thoreau?
"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer." -Henry David Thoreau
Why is it that you look around school and the streets and any building to see everyone dressed and acting the same (with a few exceptions)? There is a steady beat of the drum that most people follow and that is conformity to the natural laws of society. However, there is a separate drum, with an entrancing twitch that lures you into nonconformity if you aren't careful. Because in this society, nonconformity is seen as dangerous. In my mind, it is seen as partial freedom. I have a difficult time grasping the concept of freedom and free; freedom is an illusion (Skinner). This represents the individual who has broken free from the ropes which has bound his hands and feet and left behind scars on his neck and chest. This is the individual who has stepped off the chalky white line he or she follows to their "ultimate destiny."
I have heard the enchanting drum before and I am waiting until it beats again close to my ear so I can make the move for good off of my line.
Who is Thoreau? Of course I know who he was. But who is he? We study him, learn of Walden and the transcendental concepts. Everything he wrote and studied has been refined to fit the needs of the modern world, but what if his raw thought were to be exposed? There is more to these divine lovers of nature than we could have any possible idea.
Thoreau is cliche. He is overread and overanalyzed by the english teachers. He wanted simplicity, "keep your accounts on your thumbnail." He never would have wanted his views of life and experience to cause such a stress in any one's life. Not that studying philosophy is stressful in the least bit, but (again it comes back to the english teachers...) picking apart every word for a hidden meaning that, with Thoreau at least, could very possibly not be there, is almost a waste of time and insightful literature.
It is already happening now. What will become of our fellow transcendentalists when nature is no more? When the industrialized world consumes every last inch of the earth, where will our connection to the natural world be? It is already tainted and will become more and more poisoned until all natural beauty is sucked away from the planet. That day will surely be a shame for each who was living in it. The sad part is, I do not doubt that it will happen.
Why is it that you look around school and the streets and any building to see everyone dressed and acting the same (with a few exceptions)? There is a steady beat of the drum that most people follow and that is conformity to the natural laws of society. However, there is a separate drum, with an entrancing twitch that lures you into nonconformity if you aren't careful. Because in this society, nonconformity is seen as dangerous. In my mind, it is seen as partial freedom. I have a difficult time grasping the concept of freedom and free; freedom is an illusion (Skinner). This represents the individual who has broken free from the ropes which has bound his hands and feet and left behind scars on his neck and chest. This is the individual who has stepped off the chalky white line he or she follows to their "ultimate destiny."
I have heard the enchanting drum before and I am waiting until it beats again close to my ear so I can make the move for good off of my line.
Who is Thoreau? Of course I know who he was. But who is he? We study him, learn of Walden and the transcendental concepts. Everything he wrote and studied has been refined to fit the needs of the modern world, but what if his raw thought were to be exposed? There is more to these divine lovers of nature than we could have any possible idea.
Thoreau is cliche. He is overread and overanalyzed by the english teachers. He wanted simplicity, "keep your accounts on your thumbnail." He never would have wanted his views of life and experience to cause such a stress in any one's life. Not that studying philosophy is stressful in the least bit, but (again it comes back to the english teachers...) picking apart every word for a hidden meaning that, with Thoreau at least, could very possibly not be there, is almost a waste of time and insightful literature.
It is already happening now. What will become of our fellow transcendentalists when nature is no more? When the industrialized world consumes every last inch of the earth, where will our connection to the natural world be? It is already tainted and will become more and more poisoned until all natural beauty is sucked away from the planet. That day will surely be a shame for each who was living in it. The sad part is, I do not doubt that it will happen.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Tomorrow is the first day of December...
What an eventful month. Lose one, gain one, lose one, gain one.
I don't remember who it was, but someone told me not to worry about relationship problems because every relationship is going to end at sometime or another, no matter what.
My life is so intense right now, I work, I go to school, I experience life with the friends that I love more than they could imagine. Except the school aspect is slipping.
I feel happy, I feel alive, I feel like I know what I want. I also feel like there's a little poisonous plant growing in the pit of my stomach, but if I take the right precautions, I can kill it off now. My life at this point is figuring out what those precautions are so I don't let the poison spread throughout my body.
Additionally, I feel uncomfortable and squemish in my body. My legs are such a burden, I'm so close to just chopping them off.
Wow... I don't know how I would live without my legs.
I do(n't) know what to do with myself!
I don't remember who it was, but someone told me not to worry about relationship problems because every relationship is going to end at sometime or another, no matter what.
My life is so intense right now, I work, I go to school, I experience life with the friends that I love more than they could imagine. Except the school aspect is slipping.
I feel happy, I feel alive, I feel like I know what I want. I also feel like there's a little poisonous plant growing in the pit of my stomach, but if I take the right precautions, I can kill it off now. My life at this point is figuring out what those precautions are so I don't let the poison spread throughout my body.
Additionally, I feel uncomfortable and squemish in my body. My legs are such a burden, I'm so close to just chopping them off.
Wow... I don't know how I would live without my legs.
I do(n't) know what to do with myself!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
There is nothing in this world I have wanted more
What does our life consist of? Routine.
We are born, wake up each day, eat, breathe, school, work, sleep. We climb up the ladder through high school, then college, then the work force, then wisdom in our old age.
If we were to truly live, we wouldn't have a set schedule for each day just to make money to live comfortably. More than anything, I'd like to be isolated in a beautiful place to die. There is nothing to live for and there is nothing but ease and rest when we pass. How could the purpose here to be in disease and unrest?
When I say there is nothing to live for, I am referring to ourselves. Not you, whoever you may be, not the government, not the organized religion, not anyone. I know it may be self centered to tell you I am not living for you (although there are some of you that are the reasons I am still alive), but it really comes down to what we have to live for for ourselves, as much as I would not like to say it. I can find no reason, either now or for the future, that is a legitimate reason to keep living.
Do not take this for a suicide note, for it is not. It is just a simple explanation of my thoughts on death. We read a beautiful poem in English about death called Thanatopsis that reinforced the concept of death being natural and peaceful.
There is nothing that could be better than eternal rest and peace.
We are born, wake up each day, eat, breathe, school, work, sleep. We climb up the ladder through high school, then college, then the work force, then wisdom in our old age.
If we were to truly live, we wouldn't have a set schedule for each day just to make money to live comfortably. More than anything, I'd like to be isolated in a beautiful place to die. There is nothing to live for and there is nothing but ease and rest when we pass. How could the purpose here to be in disease and unrest?
When I say there is nothing to live for, I am referring to ourselves. Not you, whoever you may be, not the government, not the organized religion, not anyone. I know it may be self centered to tell you I am not living for you (although there are some of you that are the reasons I am still alive), but it really comes down to what we have to live for for ourselves, as much as I would not like to say it. I can find no reason, either now or for the future, that is a legitimate reason to keep living.
Do not take this for a suicide note, for it is not. It is just a simple explanation of my thoughts on death. We read a beautiful poem in English about death called Thanatopsis that reinforced the concept of death being natural and peaceful.
Thine individual being, shalt thou go to mix forever with the elements, to be a brother to th' insensible rock and to the sluggish clod, which the rude swain turns with his share, and treads upon. The oak shall send his roots abroad, and pierce thy mould. Yet not to thy eternal resting place shalt thou retire alone--nor couldst thou wish couch more magnificent. Thou shalt lie down, with patriarchs of the infant world--with kings the powerful of this earth--the wise, the good, fair forms, and hoary seers of ages past, all in one might sepulchre.
There is nothing that could be better than eternal rest and peace.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Song of The
Follow me, then, to the roads of gold and the rivers of platinum.
The water can rush over our faces as we bathe in the moonlight.
I have never heard this voice in me before.
I have never felt this voice before.
It can change all the background noise that consumes our ignorant souls.
Hear the silence for once and let it flow in and out.
The water can rush over our faces as we bathe in the moonlight.
I have never heard this voice in me before.
I have never felt this voice before.
It can change all the background noise that consumes our ignorant souls.
Hear the silence for once and let it flow in and out.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
It was the saddest moment of my Life.
I walked into the room with small difficulty, my elevation was not normal and I had trouble walking and keeping my balance. The old, fragile woman resting in a chair set her gentle eyes upon me as I scuffled by. The task made me uneasy.
Although I sat agog anyway, and burrowed myself into the cold, uncomfortable chair. The atonal music soothed my absent mind. The jacket engulfed me.
That is when I glanced up to see the windows and wondered who was on the other side. I could feel the presence behind the red tint but couldn't see it. I heard everything that was going on.
I sat in a trance in the hall, the giant pipe organ silently intruded into my space. What is beyond those windows in that parallel life? What do those masses of energy believe in? Yet another simplified form of connection and faith (god)? Another facade of consciousness? The only problem is the differences in belief, the changes in illusion.
It was the saddest moment of my life.
Although I sat agog anyway, and burrowed myself into the cold, uncomfortable chair. The atonal music soothed my absent mind. The jacket engulfed me.
That is when I glanced up to see the windows and wondered who was on the other side. I could feel the presence behind the red tint but couldn't see it. I heard everything that was going on.
I sat in a trance in the hall, the giant pipe organ silently intruded into my space. What is beyond those windows in that parallel life? What do those masses of energy believe in? Yet another simplified form of connection and faith (god)? Another facade of consciousness? The only problem is the differences in belief, the changes in illusion.
It was the saddest moment of my life.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
The Moon Fell Away
I watched the sliver of a moon fade away tonight. Resting among the deep, dark clouds from the hurricane, I watched it transform itself into the effulgence of the sky. I observed as it seemed our sublunary earth started to spin faster than anyone has felt previously. Driving along the stretch of road was not the issue, the horizon ran away from me faster and faster.
The clouds circled around us in anticipation for the rain that probably isn't to come. The wind hit my face hard and I felt a myriad of emotions.
The moon was still falling away in dust. The star straggled behind. This was the end of those peaceful, aestival nights.
The clouds circled around us in anticipation for the rain that probably isn't to come. The wind hit my face hard and I felt a myriad of emotions.
The moon was still falling away in dust. The star straggled behind. This was the end of those peaceful, aestival nights.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Because of the Peanut
You haven't been here in a while, but you're always here. The red dust that trails behind everywhere you go reminds you where you always are. You're sitting on the roof of the world and notice tiny little cracks in the ground have begun to appear. The rain hasn't fallen in months. At least not in this spot.
The rain shifts, yet it is not rain. Dollops of water are released from the cloudless sky every moment. There is no humidity. There is no source. There is always a paradox of activity from the motionless and endless ceiling. When you first discovered this wonderland, the nonstop flow was a phenomenon.
Now, as you are sitting here rolling the layers of burnt sienna over your ankles, the instant moisture is aggravating. It is nearing, and you are going to have to get up.
You are being and lifting yourself from this spot is not what you want to be. The dirt is being with you. The dirt that is and always has been. The dirt that is fresh to your fingertips. But being is not worrying, and you are worrying about the water. Being in worry, you are not being. Be the dirt. Be the air and the lack of humidity. A drop over there.
See the place you cut the paper thin and rubber thick air over there? Remember the box that seven and a half foot clown handed you? What was in that box... a peanut you believe. What the hell are you going to use a peanut for? A peanut is not even a nut. It is a pea. A drop over here.
The rain shifts, yet it is not rain. Dollops of water are released from the cloudless sky every moment. There is no humidity. There is no source. There is always a paradox of activity from the motionless and endless ceiling. When you first discovered this wonderland, the nonstop flow was a phenomenon.
Now, as you are sitting here rolling the layers of burnt sienna over your ankles, the instant moisture is aggravating. It is nearing, and you are going to have to get up.
You are being and lifting yourself from this spot is not what you want to be. The dirt is being with you. The dirt that is and always has been. The dirt that is fresh to your fingertips. But being is not worrying, and you are worrying about the water. Being in worry, you are not being. Be the dirt. Be the air and the lack of humidity. A drop over there.
See the place you cut the paper thin and rubber thick air over there? Remember the box that seven and a half foot clown handed you? What was in that box... a peanut you believe. What the hell are you going to use a peanut for? A peanut is not even a nut. It is a pea. A drop over here.
You fall back through the tough slit of air holding this antiquated cardboard box. Peak in, what is here? Quick, look away! It could be harmful to your eyes. You begin to put your hand under the lid of the box. It could be harmful to your hand. Rather your hand than eye. Your almost useless appendages feel nothing but the box. Run your hand along the bottom. Something small and rough is there. Chance it, flip off the lid. A peanut. It is a peanut. Fall. Over. Crawl. To. A. New. Area. Bury. Peanut. Under. Ground. F.O.C.T.A.N.A.B.P.U.G. That should go with you when you leave this place. Never are you leaving this place.
Where was that peanut buried? You attatched it to your body and transported it somewhere. Was it the opposite direction of the burrow home you have made for yourself? It is interesting that you even made a burrow. There are no hawks or snakes here. And rain only in a specific location at a time. A drop on your hand.
Now you know why. In being you have mindlessly burrowed yourself under the dusty red surface. Just your face remains uncovered, but you know better than that. Although there is no wind, the not quite earth smooths over the tip of your nose, immersing you in the land. The music is muffled now. You can hear a couple drops impact a couple inches from your ear.
The dry, dynamic storm begins. The huge water droplets hit the earth above you and soak down into your skin. One on your left foot, your right thigh, your hip, your breast, your neck, and your forehead. You feel something generating in your stomach and another crawling back up your throat. Nothing to eat in months. Open your mouth to suck the air you don't need. The dirt piles in. The mass coming up through your body enters your mouth and sets in between your teeth.
Let your chthonic body sink and shut down all of your senses. Keep your ears open. Hear the susurrus of the ground moving around. But it stops moving around you and starts shaking inside your mouth. Silky, stringy substance starts to twist around your teeth and tongue and a force pulls your teeth upward. It is tension, but this force doesn't want your teeth to come out so you let it be. A thin, cylindrical form starts to move up and out of your mouth. It pushes up toward the near surface and breaks through. A pause. Drain your body. Energy into the mass. The stalk shoots up and you become lackadaisical. A tooth slides off.
The huge clusters of water are frozen in the air as the now muddy mess slides off your face. The sun is warm on your lifeless body. This empowers you. Sit up and hit your head on a blob of water. Take a bite. The rain stretches out, but you eventually break it off with your teeth, one now missing. All that was taken from your body has now been returned, and you are back to your normal, effulgent state.
The stalk that emerged from your own body is now spread out a couple feet away from your body. It is a plant. You watch as bramches grow from the body. A bud appears. You wait in anxiety to know what will appear. The protective coverings peel back and you see a tiny, tan speck. It grows.
It is a peanut.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Simply Unimaginable
Unimaginable for me? For you? For who? What is unimaginable?
You know, I do not.
I know, you do not.
When I walk down the hallway I take in through my nose what I should be taking in through my fingertips. I taste what I should be using my eyes for. I hear down to the artificial heartbeat what should be inhaled and touching my tongue.
There is not much reality that lives in my mind at the moment. And unfortunately, there is none of my mind that lives in reality. I seem to have entangled myself into an almost easily avoidable crunch of the universe. Not to say I am discontent, because that would be a lie. My thoughts just rest on other people, places, and things than the ones I have previously known.
We all gauge our lives based on a single set of feelings and emotions. Happy = positive; sad = negative. But what about the emotions that fall under other categories? The ones where you ask me how I am feeling and I plainly just do not know. Then you inquire as to how I could not know. I wonder how my reasoning is beyond you.
I want to explore a whole new level of feeling, I am sick of feeling either happy or sad. They are incredibly empty emotions. I feel almost like we, as a society, stereotype ourselves with emotional words. I have found for myself that when I generalize my feelings, I feel more discontent, for lack of a better word. When I specify down to the button what is going through my mind, I feel very content. For instance, when I am upset, identifying my exact emotion and why it is there is what makes me feel instantly better. On the other hand, if I am happy and don't necessarily know how to describe it, I kind of bring myself down.
I think for once we shouldn't have to ground ourselves and instead embrace everything we feel, whether or not it is familiar. Know that what your mind and soul want you hold in your presence is always for the better, whether you connotate it to be a positive or negative emotion.
There will be a part two to this.
You know, I do not.
I know, you do not.
When I walk down the hallway I take in through my nose what I should be taking in through my fingertips. I taste what I should be using my eyes for. I hear down to the artificial heartbeat what should be inhaled and touching my tongue.
There is not much reality that lives in my mind at the moment. And unfortunately, there is none of my mind that lives in reality. I seem to have entangled myself into an almost easily avoidable crunch of the universe. Not to say I am discontent, because that would be a lie. My thoughts just rest on other people, places, and things than the ones I have previously known.
We all gauge our lives based on a single set of feelings and emotions. Happy = positive; sad = negative. But what about the emotions that fall under other categories? The ones where you ask me how I am feeling and I plainly just do not know. Then you inquire as to how I could not know. I wonder how my reasoning is beyond you.
I want to explore a whole new level of feeling, I am sick of feeling either happy or sad. They are incredibly empty emotions. I feel almost like we, as a society, stereotype ourselves with emotional words. I have found for myself that when I generalize my feelings, I feel more discontent, for lack of a better word. When I specify down to the button what is going through my mind, I feel very content. For instance, when I am upset, identifying my exact emotion and why it is there is what makes me feel instantly better. On the other hand, if I am happy and don't necessarily know how to describe it, I kind of bring myself down.
I think for once we shouldn't have to ground ourselves and instead embrace everything we feel, whether or not it is familiar. Know that what your mind and soul want you hold in your presence is always for the better, whether you connotate it to be a positive or negative emotion.
There will be a part two to this.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Processing the Past
This past week I had an interesting, upsetting, nostalgic, yet wonderful experience. I am trying to process it all. Half of the time I feel upset, then the other half I am reminding myself that everything that happened was Divine order.
When I walked into the room, I had never felt a greater energy. Almost midnight, I stared at the off-white ceiling for thirty minutes. The lights reflected gold.
When I walked into the room, I had never felt a greater energy. Almost midnight, I stared at the off-white ceiling for thirty minutes. The lights reflected gold.
This is the year you are glad to live.
This is the year you have much to give.
Live to bless.
Wonderful, wonderful, fortunate you.
This is the year that your dreams come true.
The old book of song guided me to the numberless page. I accepted gratefully, overwhelmed with an unidentified emotion.
Darkness has vanished,
Light is shining clear.
Truth's glorious message makes the glad earth free.
Shine in my soul, fill me with life and light.
The silence is so overpowering I have become dizzy. I have never felt a presence as strong as I do in this room. I see this sugar ant climbing through the folds of my jacket; I bless you. In a world where all else is dark, I have found a light in this one moment. I can see the energy moving through out the entire room and travelling into my soul. What an experience.
I feel your light touch and my heart races.
I heard the voice of an angel. I felt the emotions of an angel. I looked into the eyes of an angel. An angel.
Monday, June 23, 2008
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